Search Results for: inner



Inner Peace

Buddha said “Peace comes from within.  Do not seek it without.”  All of us want to experience inner peace. Sometimes experiencing inner peace becomes a rare phenomenon. Let us see how we create a stressful experience for ourselves and lose our inner peace. Dr. Martin Seligman in his research found that we disturb ourselves using 3 P’s. Read more: Inner Peace

Group Therapy – April 11, 2015

GROUP THERAPY – THE WHATS, THE WHYS & THE HOWS

 

Often we have been asked the question – Why should I go for group therapy with a professional  when my sister, aunt, friend, neighbour etc can give advice/guidance? How can I discuss my problems in front of a group ? I have no problems in life, why should I register for therapy ?

Read more: Group Therapy – April 11, 2015

Queries answered in EDEX by A Geethan – Part 2

Dear Geethan sir,

I’m very much interested in your articles provided to us through Edex. I’m a B.Tech graduate. I’m continuously in search to improve myself in different ways, be it music, general awareness, GK, my English, way to handle situations, etc.  I read a lot of self help books too, never feeling content about myself.  I frequently feel overwhelmed with the tasks I continuously keeping adding on to my todo list, unable to act on it. Could you please provide your suggestions on how to overcome this? Even now, I feel less confident about the grammar I’ve used in this mail to you.Read more: Queries answered in EDEX by A Geethan – Part 2

Facing uncertainties

There are always situations of uncertainties in life. At such moments we  experience a confused present and a hazy future ; some people may feel they are at cross roads, finding no direction in life.  Some people even come to a conclusion that they won’t be able to get what they want in life and take extreme steps. How to face such moments in life?…….Read more: Facing uncertainties

Queries answered in EDEX columns

Read answers of Psychotherapist A Geethan on 

DIRECTION ON CAREER CHOICES  / STUDIES, CONCENTRATION & MARKS  – SCHOOL/COLLEGE/SELFIMAGE ESTEEM & SELF

WORTH / RELATIONSHIPS / Teenager’s queries on sex and sexuality …………..Read more: Queries answered in EDEX columns

Brain in Love

In a session focusing on a conflict resolution between a husband and wife, the husband narrated that he does many things for his wife. He usually takes her for a drive and dinner over weekends. He added, “most days of the week, I pick her up from her office and sometimes even wait for an hour till she finishes her job”.

His wife said “I agree that he does all these things, but this is not love for me. These are what any husband does for his wife”. This is a constant disagreement between many couples. While one person thinks what he does is love, the other person thinks it is the way it should be and so what is great about it. The key to this problem lies in  how our brain processes the sensory  information and how this influences our  perception about each other in a relationship. This is what I call the brain’s love language.

Read more: Brain in Love

Brain in Love

In a session focusing on a conflict resolution between a husband and wife, the husband narrated that he does many things for his wife. He usually takes her for a drive and dinner over weekends. He added, “most days of the week, I pick her up from her office and sometimes even wait for an hour till she finishes her job”.

His wife said “I agree that he does all these things, but this is not love for me. These are what any husband does for his wife”. This is a constant disagreement between many couples. While one person thinks what he does is love, the other person thinks it is the way it should be and so what is great about it. The key to this problem lies in  how our brain processes the sensory  information and how this influences our  perception about each other in a relationship. This is what I call the brain’s love language.

Our brain perceives reality through 5 sensory inputs that are visual, auditory, touch, smell and taste. For example if the sensory input to the brain is predominantly through eyes then that person is more attracted to visual inputs. Such people may like to see, admire paintings and like to have a map while travelling. If the auditory is the predominant channel of input to the brain then such people like to hear rather than to see things. They may like music, would like their partner to say “I love you”, “you matter to me” etc. Whichever channel functions predominantly in a person, that channel impacts his/her perception about reality as well how he/she perceives the other in a relationship. After hearing the above information, a lady participating in a couples therapy workshop  said, “for 25 years I did not understand why I always felt unloved by my husband. I was expecting him to love me my way and he has been loving me his way”.

It is possible that between two people each person may have different predominant channel. In the above example, the husband may be predominantly visual. He shows his love by waiting for his wife till she finishes her work at office.  But if the wife is an auditory person she may expect him to express his love verbally rather than inferring it from what he does for her.

Such information helps relating easy between couples and paves the way for a healthy relationship.

To find out which is your predominant channel with which you relate to the world and experience love, do the following:

Exercise 1

How do you know you love the other person? What do you do which shows your love for your spouse? Do you like to touch? Do you verbalise your love? Do you do things for the other person? Which sensory channel you use the most to express yourself? It is the same channel through which you would prefer to receive love.

Exercise 2

Think of an experience when you felt you were loved. Recall that experience. Which channel did your partner use most? This will give an idea about that person’s preferred channel.

 

Do these exercises together as a couple, and understand the predominant channel of yourself and of your spouse. This will help both of you in understanding the other and

learn the brain’s language of love, to love.